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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556517">I Love You, Ain’t That The Worst Thing You Ever Heard</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/markwardos/pseuds/markwardos'>markwardos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gun Violence, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Shooting, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:01:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/markwardos/pseuds/markwardos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A near-death experience leads to a startling confession that must be dealt with, or rather moved around. As one struggles with his admission and the other struggles with how he feels in return, they decide to try and figure out how they feel by going through the motions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan “Buck” Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Love You, Ain’t That The Worst Thing You Ever Heard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eddie had taken a long time debating the best time to tell Buck how he felt, the perfect time that would best suit things going well or poorly. Not so little time that they couldn’t discuss it further, but not so much that they talked it dead, and it could go on and on. Therefore a break, a day off, or right when they got off work was ruled out. Days off were further ruled off due to Christopher being around, and he certainly wasn’t going to drop the feelings bombshell on Buck when a small child was around to stare Buck down with innocent eyes. Reciprocation wasn’t something Eddie expected really, nor did he want to force Buck into it in any way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Eddie had planned it, found the perfect time to do it. They had a shift that ended around three in the afternoon, which meant Eddie would have to go pick up Christopher right after. There was going to be a lull between calls in which they could get lunch a couple of hours before the end of their shift. This would be a break of at most twenty-five minutes, enough time to discuss it, but not for it to go on and on. There’d be a small portion of their shift left after, so a small amount of time in which there might be some awkwardness to work though. Or if things went well, a small amount of time before they could come together again. Bobby was gone as well so there was no way he could sniff out any awkwardness between the two when they came back from lunch. It was perfectly timed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had a call just before lunch, and things were going smooth, it seemed like a simple enough call, the guy would live so there’d be no melancholy afterwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he made his move as him and Buck exited the truck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You hungry? Wanna go grab a bite after we drop him?” Eddie asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. I haven’t had a proper meal since Bobby left,” Buck answers as they go to open the ambulance doors when they do they see a bloody scene with Hen and Chim covered in the blood of the man they just came to the rescue of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woah,” Buck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened here?” Eddie asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He started coding. We had to start CPR, things got a little messy,” Hen answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but now his ticker is pumping like Old Faithful, 80 BPM with a normal rhythm,” Chim adds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck looks at the ambulance for a little longer before saying, “And I just lost my appetite.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s shoulders drop seeing his perfect moment slip away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think I just found mine,” Chim replies walking away on the phone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, where are you going?” Buck calls out to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To ask your sister out on a proper date so I can tell her I love her,” Chim calls back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so his perfect moment seems to go to Chim and Eddie sighs, “We missed a lot huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Chim deciding to tell Maddie he loves her isn’t the only thing Eddie feels like he’s missed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So his perfect moment doesn't happen then. And when he does have his moment, it’s not perfect in the slightest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It comes out in a gasp as he’s clutching his chest, and Buck is hanging over him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t go in there Buck, you can’t help Maddie. We just have to wait, Athena’s on it, and you know she’ll get in there as soon as possible,” Eddie says gripping Buck’s forearm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But talking to Buck when he’s like this is little to no use. He’s got that glint in his eyes that says nothing can stop him from doing whatever crazy thing he’s decided on. Eddie knows how Buck is, he’s seen it before, what Buck is willing to do for Maddie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And despite Eddie’s best efforts to keep his eye on Buck, something manages to distract him for a split second and when he turns back all he sees is Buck’s back as he races towards the building and past the police.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It has Eddie’s heart pounding and before his brain can rationalize that he absolutely should not go in there after Buck, his feet are moving and he’s running in after him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He catches up to Buck as he’s creeping up the stairs and is behind him which nearly spooks Buck, but Eddie claps his hand over Buck’s mouth quick enough to silence any sound, and his other arm catches Buck around the waist keeping him from making any loud noise with the rest of his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly Eddie releases and Buck’s eyes are firing back at him in accusation as he whispers harshly, “What the hell are you doing in here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could ask you the same question,” Eddie shoots back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maddie is my sister, Eddie. You shouldn’t be here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re my best friend, and my sons Buck, you asshole, so I have to be here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do. I’ve got your back, remember?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck goes still and silent as he looks back at him seeming to remember the words spoken to one another at the very beginning of their friendship.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I’ve got yours,” Buck says after a while.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie gives a small nod and they begin to move slowly up the staircase, practically heel to toe with one another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The men are in view now, and Eddie knows all bets are off the second the guy waves the gun in Maddie’s direction, so it doesn’t even surprise him when Buck bolts from his side towards the men. What does surprise him though is how he doesn’t even hesitate before going after him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s good cause while Buck slams into the first guy knocking him off balance, the second guy has turned his gun towards Buck, just as Eddie rushes at him, slamming his fist into the side of his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can hear a struggle beside him, and his eyes try to move in that direction, to keep his sights on Buck, but his focus has to remain on his guy, who he’s engaged in a fight over the gun with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears a scream followed by a snap that doesn’t sound like Buck’s scream, but his focus slips in his direction and Eddie loses some of the upper hand he has.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears a shot go off, but he’s still struggling against the guy before he hears another shot. That’s when he realizes something about the first shot. It came from in front of him, this one came from behind him, and at the same time this realization comes to him, the guy he’s been struggling with falls to the ground dead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie steps back from him and he feels what must be a head rush from the fighting and quick pace. From behind him, he hears Buck’s voice suddenly, “Eddie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie falters a bit on his feet as he turns and he’s worried because Buck’s voice sounds off and when he looks at Buck his face looks pale white and it doesn’t calm him. He blinks and says, “Buck are you...did you get him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No...Eddie...you…,” he says and Eddie looks down at himself and sees blood soaking through his shirt just below and center-right of his left nipple. He suddenly feels the pain he didn’t before and his legs give out beneath him and in an instant Buck is on him and at his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sees now that the other guy is tied up and Josh though trembling is holding the gun pointed at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s eyes are searching the room unable to focus until Buck says, “Eddie. Eddie look at me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s eyes find him and he whispers again, “Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay, Eddie, you have to be okay,” Buck says and tears are coming down his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie swallows which is hard cause his throat feels so dry and his breathing is becoming more labored. Judging by what he saw the bullets either in his lung, diaphragm or near his heart depending on where it traveled once it entered him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck suddenly presses on the area and Eddie jerks and shouts in pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, but you’re...you’re bleeding out Eddie. I’m so sorry. I did this to you, oh my God. I made you run in after me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You...you didn’t make me...anything,” Eddie pants out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck’s got one hand to the wound but he can feel the other moving through his hair, and sometimes across his cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie starts to see black spots at the edge of his vision and his eyes start to fall before he’s shaken, “No, Eddie, stay awake, eyes on me. You know you have to stay awake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie nods shortly but the black spots are becoming bigger and he gasps out, “Buck...if I don’t…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No Eddie, no you’re not giving me your dying words, you’re going to be okay, they’re going to get here soon and you’re going to be fine. You hear me?”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie ignores him and says, “Tell Christopher I love him.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell him yourself when you get home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Buck,” Eddie breathes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Eddie, no,” Buck says, looking at him seriously, his eyes brimming with tears that sometimes breakthrough and run down his cheeks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, I need you to listen, I have to tell you something…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can tell me later Eddie.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to hear it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love...I love you, Buck,” he gasps out, “I love you...so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Eddie. You’re my best friend. I need you to stay with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Eddie. Come on man, you have to, you gotta keep fighting.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...I don’t mean in that way, Buck. I love you, I love you,” he says forcing his eyes to lock with Bucks. “Get it, Buck, I love you, love you,” he breathes out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck is staring back at him and Eddie is starting to see the ocean rather than his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You love me, love me,” Buck repeats.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, love you...in love with you,” he breathes out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie,” he hears before the sound goes numb in his ears and his vision goes black.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck hasn’t heard the words ‘I love you’ from many people in his lifetime and not all that often either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They weren’t heavily brandished in his home, Maddie was really the only one who said them to him. She hadn’t said them in a long time though. He heard the words through different things now, but not words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he missed the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Other than Maddie he’d only heard it from girls who absolutely shouldn’t have been saying them to him, cause they didn’t know him all that well, and he didn’t feel them back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abby never said them to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He remembers the last time he heard them though, and they come from a similar source.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s walking Christopher and Eddie out of his apartment when Christopher turns around and flashes that big smile at him before reaching up for one last hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck’s crouching down without a second thought and hugging Christopher tightly to his chest when Christopher says, “I love you, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hits him in the chest, maybe cause before that he can’t remember the last time he heard the words with the I pronoun ahead of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too Christopher,” he says and maybe he clutches Christopher close for a little longer than he might otherwise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christopher doesn’t seem to mind and when he releases he’s still smiling before walking forward towards Eddie who smiles up at Buck and ruffles his son's hair, “We’ll see you again soon, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye Buck,” Christopher says one last time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye Christopher, bye Eddie,” he says as Eddie nods at him before walking towards the elevator.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the words come from Eddie’s lips they knock him off balance, and that’s just when he thinks Eddie’s saying he loves him, as a friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The deeper I love you, he doesn’t remember when he heard last, when it meant something...maybe never.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t feel real. It feels like something out of a movie. The dramatic last breath confession. Though it’s not that, cause it can’t be, it can’t be Eddie’s last breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Eddie falls unconscious sometime after it and he hears screaming, someone screaming at Eddie to wake up. It takes a while before he realizes it’s his own voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cops and medical help come rushing up which includes Chim and Hen, who have to have Bobby physically pull Buck from Eddie’s body cause he’s struggling to get back to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, Buck,” he finally hears because it’s coming from Maddie, possibly the only voice he can hear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears are streaming down his face, bothersome as they blur his vision and make his face burn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maddie, Maddie I’ve killed him, I killed him,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck you didn’t…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He ran in here because of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you ran in here because of me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He starts to see her through his vision and she crashes into his chest and holds him and it’s good she does because he hears Hen shout, “He’s coding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air leaves his body and then rushes back only so he can scream Eddie’s name again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in the screaming, they get Eddie’s heartbeat back and Chim says, “Okay, we got to move him now. He’s back, but he’s hovering. BPM is 129 and blood pressure is 53/37 and dropping. Think it’s safe to say he’s losing too much blood and has a collapsed lung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck feels like he’s choking and he’s moving after them away from Maddie’s arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to go with him,” he shouts at Chim and Hen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck no,” Bobby steps in the way and in his anger he shoves Bobby out of the way and looks Chim dead in the face, “I’m going.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Chim starts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You would go if it was Maddie,” Buck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think it’s the sa…” Chim starts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have time to argue, I’m going with him.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will behave, Buck,” Hen says and he nods and climbs into the ambulance with them and he clutches Eddie’s hand as they work on him trying to give him crystalloids to compensate for the blood loss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck holds Eddie’s hand close to his lips and just keeps whispering, “Stay with me, Eddie. I need you. Stay with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hen and Chim are too busy trying to save him to take much notice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ride feels long when he’s on it and watching Eddie die in front of him. But it feels short when they take him away from him. They don’t wheel him into surgery automatically, they start transfusions and do quick scans to locate the bullet before rushing him to surgery.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The transition to surgery is hurried and quick because they’re working on limited time, and Buck is shaking in the ER from what little he is able to see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maddie arrives eventually and she’s pulling on him, “Buck, come on, you’re covered in blood you need to change.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I have to wait here for him.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The surgery is going to be hours you need to change Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck!” She says in her serious voice that at least makes his head turn towards her out of habit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stares him down before saying the one thing that might get him to move and react, “Christopher and Eddie’s Abuela will be coming down here and Christopher can’t see you like this. He’ll want you…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Maddie, I can’t...I can’t look at him when I killed his father,” Buck sobs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did not kill his father Buck. He’s still alive, and you did not do this to him,” Maddie insists.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She manages to get Buck into a hospital shower and into a change of clothes that Bobby had Michael bring to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want to see Christopher like this, but he does cause Christopher calls for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He goes to him immediately and wraps Christopher up in his arms as the boy trembles and he is strong at the moment cause he has to be, for Christopher. His tears evaporate and he focuses on setting Christopher and ease and with it maybe he sets himself at ease too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s going to be okay Christopher. He’s going to be okay,” he whispers again and again to the little boy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The surgery seems to take forever which Maddie says is good, it means he’s still alive. It takes so long that somehow Buck manages to get Christopher to fall asleep in his arms. Abuela offers to take him, but Buck is desperate to clutch onto the piece of Eddie he has, the one that’s Christopher in his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doctors come out eventually and Buck springs to his feet and just manages to still himself enough to not wake Christopher. If it’s bad news it’s best filtered by someone that he hopes to God isn’t himself, cause the dam that is his own stability is threatening to break.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it’s not bad news, the doctor says Eddie’s okay and will be fine, they don’t know when he’ll wake, but he’s okay. They tell him to focus on that, and he tries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They wake Christopher and tell him and he beams though not as bright as normal and asks to see him. The doctors say they can but he limits it to Christopher, Buck, and Eddie’s Abuela.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck carries Christopher in there and he feels sick cause Eddie looks pale and not like himself and he almost wants to shield Christopher.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He looks kind of like you did when you were in the hospital. And you were okay, so he’ll be okay right?” Christopher asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’ll be okay,” Buck says, not sure who he’s reassuring himself or Christopher.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulls a chair close to Eddie’s bedside so Christopher can sit in his lap and be near Eddie where he holds his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's then that he starts to think of the weight of Eddie’s last words to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I love...I love you Buck’, ‘I love you...so much’, ‘Get it, Buck, I love you, love you’, and ‘I love you, love you...in love with you’. No one has ever said it to him like that, and Eddie said it nine maybe ten times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘What does it mean?’ He thinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It means what he said a voice in his brain says, ‘He loves you.’ But it seems so impossible and it makes no sense to him. He knows he loves Christopher and Eddie, but it’s, in the same way, isn’t it? Like...he loves every part of the makeshift family the 118 has made. But something lingers in the back of his mind that he doesn’t want to give too much time too. That he can’t give too much time to as he stares at Eddie’s unmoving body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie doesn’t wake up that night and Christopher sleeps in his arms while Buck stays wide awake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning Abuela makes Christopher leave to change, eat something, and get some sleep in a good bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise you’ll stay with him, Buck?” Christopher asks him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck probably needs to go home and get some clothes, food, and rest too,” Abuela says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise I’ll be here Christopher.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Abuela says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m good. I changed clothes and showered recently,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stares at him for a good measure before leaving with Christopher.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With them gone the dogs are sicked on him cause two people have left the room and now two are let in, and those two happen to be Maddie and Carla with the sole purpose of extracting Buck from Eddie’s bedside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, you need to sleep and eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promised Christopher I’d be here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Someone will be here, but you should at least get up and eat something,” Maddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hungry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maddie unless you’re going to physically drag me out of here and are willing to do so with me making a big scene, it’s not happening.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s silent after that and she and Carla seem to sit down and stare on at Eddie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carla leaves at one point and brings back a sandwich, a salad, a soda, jello, and chips in hopes Buck will take one of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes the soda and the sandwich, though he barely touches the sandwich, just takes a bite or two for show to get Carla and Maddie off his back some.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, sleep seems to take over him a bit and he slumps back in the chair and falls asleep for a while.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he wakes he hears whispering and makes out Maddie and Chim’s voices.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t get him to move. He’s glued to Eddie’s bedside now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie’s going to be fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that. But Buck, even if Eddie wakes up won’t stop. He blames himself for it. And he won’t listen to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie will tell him it’s not his fault when he wakes up. Maybe he’ll listen to Eddie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Maddie says with a heavy sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was acting odd. He said he should be let on the ambulance cause I would expect to be with you. Thought that was an odd comparison,” Chim says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maddie’s silent for a moment and says, “I may have heard some things that were said just before Eddie passed out. It might have something to do with it. But I can’t make out what it means. Maybe it was just a dying reaction that wasn’t really meant the way it was said, or I don’t know...Maybe it has something to do with it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’d you hear?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my place, and it’s not mine to share I don’t think,” Maddie sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck’s mind races to his reaction with Chim. He compared his relationship with Eddie to Chim’s with Maddie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Chim and Maddie love each other in the way that maybe Eddie told him he loved him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head hurts a bit just thinking about it before he hears a nurse come in and say, “His son and grandmother are here. Maybe he’d like a break.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maddie gives a soft laugh and says, “No chance he’ll be moving till some time after Eddie wakes up. And if Christopher is here then Buck may as well be on dad duty till Eddie comes back to take that mantle.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As if, even if Eddie wakes up Buck will still be on dad duty. You’ve seen how he is with that kid,” Chim says before leaving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they’ve left Buck sits up and waits for Christopher who comes in and smiles when he sees Buck though his smile falls at Eddie still asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky,” Christopher says and comes towards him and Buck pulls him into his arms and hugs him tightly to his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maddie said you were asleep,” Abuela says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was. And then I wasn’t for a bit cause I didn’t want to listen to her nagging,” Buck replies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you won’t escape mine. You should go home, change, get some good rest,” Abuela says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’ve got Christopher to protect me,” Buck says and gives a slight smirk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiles down at him and Christopher and says, “Well I suspected I’d find you here so we brought a change of clothes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck takes them in his hands and lets Christopher save his seat while he goes into the bathroom to change.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s only once he’s changed into the clothes that he realizes they belong to Eddie. He finds himself dipping his nose into the t-shirt and breathing in the remains of Eddie’s scent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks out and takes his seat back, with Christopher in his lap. They’ve moved the chair closer to Eddie’s head so Christopher can be closer and talk to Eddie which he likes to do. It’s kind of nice hearing Christopher just chat to him, it’s like the stories Eddie reads to Christopher to get him to sleep, or sometimes Buck does it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abuela says it’s time for her and Christopher to go and Christopher begs to stay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, can I stay with Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should sleep in your bed, Christopher.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to stay with Buck, please,” Christopher says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can take care of him,” Buck offers cause maybe he doesn’t want Christopher to go just yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stares at him and then nods, “I know you can. I’ll be back in the morning. Make sure he eats something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck nods and she leaves and Christopher snuggles into his arms while watching the TV in the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck gets Maddie to bring them both jello, chips, soda, and sandwiches which they eat while watching some cartoon dinosaur movie on the television.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maddie doesn’t nag him perhaps because she’s just happy that Buck actually eats the whole meal since Christopher is watching.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He exchanges the chair he’s normally in for the lounger chair so he and Christopher can lay back though he moves this close to Eddie’s bed from its space across the room so they can still be where they were before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christopher falls asleep on Buck’s chest sometime during one of the cartoons playing on the TV. Buck continues to run his fingers through his curls though and it helps lull him into sleep too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” he hears in a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He almost doesn’t hear it, but it’s near his ear and he stirs enough that when the next one breaks through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes shoot open and his head turns to see Eddie looking at him sleepily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie,” he whispers out cause he’s still aware of Christopher’s body heavy with sleep against his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Eddie whispers and a tired sort of smile comes to his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re awake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you were asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t been too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Maddie’s been yelling at me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you haven’t listened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, I must be really bad off then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not...you’re gonna be okay...Do you feel…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like I’ve just been shot?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Buck whispers sadly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only a little, the meds are really good,” Eddie jokes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you still have your sense of humor,” Buck huffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should find yours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got shot because of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I chose to go in after you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t have had I just stayed put.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t be Buck if you listened to a thing anyone told you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got you shot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, you didn’t. You...you shot the guy didn’t you…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I...I did, but…I wasn’t quick enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I lived so you were.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eddie…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, I’m fine. I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck reaches out and brushes Eddie’s hair back and says, “You almost died.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...I thought I might…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I figured.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should probably wake Christopher he’d want to see you,” Buck interrupts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks to Buck’s chest where Christopher is still curled up and says, “He really does love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck flinches a bit and says, “I love him. He’s...perfect.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he is,” Eddie sighs, “You can wake him if you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck looks down at Christopher for a moment before nudging Christopher awake, “Chris, wake up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck?” Christopher asks groggily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, buddy, your dad’s awake. He wants to see you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That makes Christopher’s eyes spring open and Buck is quick to place Christopher’s glasses back on his nose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christopher sets up and simply beams, “Dad!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey buddy,” Eddie smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m okay kid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christopher seems to hesitate and Buck does too about the idea of letting Christopher go to Eddie’s arms, but he watches Eddie scoot away to make room for Christopher.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay this is my good side, you won’t hurt me,” Eddie says and Buck lets Christopher climb into bed next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck watches them and he feels a bit awkward and when he looks up Eddie’s chin is resting above Christopher’s head and looking at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can lay on my other side if you want,” Eddie muses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s your bad side,” Buck responds in short.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I know you’d be extra gentle.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck rolls his eyes a bit and he sits there for a while before he’s gone mad and is climbing in on Eddie’s bad side, careful not to touch him at all really and certainly not anywhere near his wound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie sighs and says, “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for staying here. For taking care of Christopher. For still being here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do, Eddie. I’ve...I’ve got your back,” he says to Eddie’s back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s silence and they don’t move for a while but then Eddie reaches behind him which he groans a bit while doing and Buck is ready to bolt out of the bed and away from him. But Eddie grabs his wrist and pulls Buck’s arm across his waist and Buck remains there and he lets the air leave his body for a moment, focusing just on Eddie and Christopher’s breathing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the morning the news has reached everyone that Eddie’s okay, and they start cycling in, the nurses increase his visitors in the room to five. Which allows Buck to remain there most of the time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But when Eddie’s family arrives there’s a lot of them and he has to leave, but he doesn’t leave the hospital.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stands in front of a vending machine trying to choose between a packet of Chips Ahoy and Nutter Butters when Maddie slides up next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So he’s awake, are you going to go home and sleep in your bed now?” Maddie asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Probably not though,” he says, still staring into the vending machine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maddie sighs then and after a long silence says, “Have you talked to him yet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I have, obviously,” Buck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rolls her eyes then and says, “Have you talked to him about what was said before he went unconscious?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck is silent and then says, “No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, eventually when the time is right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Preferably when he’s not in a hospital bed wistful with the idea of just not being dead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So in the meantime, you’re just going to think it to death?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I have other things to think about, like whether I want chips ahoy or nutter butters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well have you thought what you’re going to say to him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, because it all might have just been a dying thing. It’s like when it happens during sex, it doesn’t count.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Had a lot of people say it during sex huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A few, but they don’t know me all that well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Eddie does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Eddie was dying, so it probably doesn’t mean anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if it does mean something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t thought about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, we grew up in the same house. When people say I love you to us we stop in our tracks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you did when Chim told you the other night?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I couldn’t say it back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cause of Doug.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s why you don’t say it to me now either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could. And I do. You know that right Buck? I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. And you’re right the words do stop us. But it’s not because of how I feel or know or anything. I just haven’t heard it in a long time and never in the way, he said he meant it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you two weren’t anything...before…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No!” Buck says turning to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just...there have been some things that made it seem like maybe…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like you’re always glued to each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re best friends!”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Josh is my best friend, Hen and Chim are best friends, but they’re not like you two.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re just better friends I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hen and Chim have been friends for way longer though, and they’re not like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter, it’s what we are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then there’s the Christopher thing…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What Christopher thing?” Buck fumes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, you’re practically raising him together. You talk through parenting things together. You give him advice. You’re there for the important moments.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s a single dad, he needs help sometimes, I’m just a good friend being there for him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maddie sighs and says, “Okay, I just thought maybe there was a pre-existing relationship that prompted it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, there wasn’t...it came out of nowhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So how are you going to deal with it if this is real Buck? If this isn’t just a dying thing. If this is how he feels?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Maddie. I don’t know how I feel okay? I don’t think I...I love him, not that way...but I’m not so sure maybe that I don’t like him that way. So I don’t know Maddie, okay. If I figure it out you’ll be the first to know,” he huffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually you should probably make me the second to know. Tell Eddie first,” Maddie says smirking a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck rolls his eyes and finally slams the B4 button and gets the Nutter Butter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pockets it though and sits out in the waiting room when Abuela comes out with a good chunk of the Diaz’s and smiles to him, “You can take your spot back now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck bites his lip and nods before getting up and walking to the room. Eddie’s still awake and takes him in as he walks in and he frowns slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are those my clothes?” Eddie asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck looks down and says, “Yeah. Your Abuela brought them when I wouldn’t leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can go Buck...I’m fine. You should probably change and you know eat and sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I eat and sleep here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not as much as you would at home.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d just worry about what’s going on here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’d just be me here, sleeping.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine here,” Buck says sitting down in the seat next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Eddie says and there’s a beat of silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck rubs at the knee of his or rather Eddie’s jeans and says, “Your family came.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know, they spent the last couple hours in here after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Must have been nice.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was. For a while then you kind of want to be left alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could go back to the waiting room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I like having you here. It’s different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck goes silent again and says, “We’re best friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that too, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think we’re better friends than Josh and Maddie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pfft...without a doubt,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It makes Buck grin and Eddie asks, “Don’t you think so?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie laughs and Buck asks, “What about Chim and Hen? Do you think we’re better friends than them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie goes quiet before he says, “Truthfully? Yeah, I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck smiles again and says, “I think so too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Any other friendships you want me to say we’re superior to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I the best friend you’ve ever had?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie laughs and says, “War makes you pretty close, but yeah, you are. Am I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, for a long time Maddie was my best friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s not fair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Christopher might be your best friend too Eddie,” Buck shrugs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Family doesn’t count Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For these purposes no, we’re best friends so they can’t count.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that in the rule book?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve decided so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then Christopher might be my best friend,” Buck grins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m still on top then,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you figure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Christopher is half me, plus I’m your next choice which means I make up one and a half of your two best friends, so I’m obviously the biggest factor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a long road you’ve weaved there just to be my best friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t have to be if you’d stop being an asshole and just admit that I’m your best friend without any caveat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck grins and says, “Eddie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re my best friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re mine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck smiles a bit and then digs into his pocket and looks at the Nutter Butter and something becomes a bit clearer in his mind, cause Buck...he doesn’t really like Nutter Butters all that much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Eddie loves them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got this because Eddie would like it better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He bites his lip and says, “Hey Eddie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm…” Eddie hums.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want some of my Nutter Butter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a euphemism or do you actually have a Nutter Butter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck thinks on it and can’t help but burst out laughing which Eddie soon joins in, holding onto his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God,” Eddie says, “but seriously...Do you have a Nutter Butter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve got a Nutter Butter,” Buck says, still laughing and handing it to Eddie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie takes it and splits it in half handing a half back to Buck before biting into it and giving a soft hum, “Way better than hospital food.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maddie would probably bring you good food from the outside if you asked,” Buck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a demanding patient like you, Buck,” Eddie grins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t that demanding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Get me out of this bed! I’m fine! Maddie get me some real food! I hate all of this!” Eddie mimics.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was fine and ready to get out of bed. My leg was just a bit messed up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A ladder truck literally fell on you, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yet here I am, fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, because you were literally forced to stay in bed and were so incapacitated that we were able to overpower you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not accurate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you’re not complaining. I mean you have to hate it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do, but I also know how to listen to orders.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure but you’re not even making reasonable requests for like normal clothes or good food.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not sure I’d have any clothes left, from the sound of it you’ve been taking them all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only once.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should probably make it twice that way you don’t start to stink.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright then,” Eddie grins triumphantly before finishing his Nutter Butter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck’s only taken a bite at that point and ends up handing the rest to Eddie who rolls his eyes, “I don’t understand why you’d choose a Nutter Butter if you don’t even like them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me neither…,” he trails off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels Eddie's gaze and then hears Eddie swallow, “Buck...if you don’t want to talk about...it...then you can just say so and we’ll move on…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about it,” Buck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a silence before Buck says, “I...I didn’t mean it that way...I just…. I want to talk about it...just not now. It’s not the time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks over at him and says, “You know I’m fine right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know...it’s just still not the time. And I’ve got a lot going through my head right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we could talk about it together then. I am your best friend after all, as we’ve established.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know...it’s just I have a lot going through my head right now but I don’t understand any of it. I don’t know what I’m thinking, besides a lot of people are just weighing in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh...you told other people,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! Maddie overheard during.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right...and she told Chim...and he told…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, she didn’t. But I may have reacted in a way that got Chim thinking, and they...I guess thought maybe there was something going on before that…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They thought we might have had something going on before all this...Did you think we did?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought we weren’t talking about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t,” Buck sighs and stares at the wall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But, no, I didn’t think we did. Not anything solid,” Eddie replies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck nods a bit and says, “I don’t want to talk about it now...but maybe after you’re out of the hospital.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to be attached to me then too? I just want to know if I should have the couch made up for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck’s silent for a moment before saying, “Yeah, probably.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Eddie says again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You almost died Eddie...and it would have been my fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t have been Buck, I decided to run in after you. I didn’t think about it for a second, I just went running.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head and says, “I got you shot, Eddie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You also saved me, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Had I stayed put you wouldn’t have needed saving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been over this Buck, I expected you to not listen to any of us and run in there. You’re Buck, your sister was in there. I knew what you were going to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Eddie,” Buck whispers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Eddie says reaching out and grabbing Buck’s hand, “I’m fine. Really. I’ll be out of here in a couple of days. The doctor said so himself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck looks at Eddie and says, “Eddie...I couldn’t have lost you. I need you around, you’re my best friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I am here, Buck, I’m right here,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck nods and squeezes Eddie’s hand in his tightly, “I know…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going anywhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good,” he says letting out a breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should get some sleep,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will once I’m sure you’re not just going to be hovering over me to make sure I’m not dead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t do that,” Buck exclaims.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well just to be sure you should go to sleep,” Eddie grins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head at Eddie and turns on his side in the lounger getting comfortable. He shuts his eyes, but blinks them open and sees Eddie’s own eyes starting to fall, but he also realizes that he’s still holding tightly to Eddie’s hand. Even still he doesn’t let go, because there’s something comforting about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He falls asleep for a while before being woken up by Eddie’s voice saying, “Buck. Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes fly open with worry but Eddie’s just staring at him and he looks alright, “Are you okay?” Buck asks still.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you’re shaking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck now that his panic has subsided does realize that he’s pretty cold and says, “It’s just a little chilly. It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just lay next to me, I have blankets, you’ll be warm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine Eddie,” Buck sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We won’t even touch, there’s enough room, we can sleep back to back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright,” Buck says, crossing his arms and pressing closer to the arm of the chair like it’ll give him some extra warmth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie gives a heavy sigh and says, “Alright then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck tries to get warm for a good five minutes before sighing and saying, “Scoot over, I don’t want to be on your bad side.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s eyes are shut but he grins a bit and moves over enough for Buck to crawl in and pull the blankets over him, and yeah he really is shaking cause this room is freezing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They must think you’re dead, cause this room is cold like a morgue,” Buck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie chuckles over his shoulder and rubs Buck’s side and Buck is so cold that he leans into it and presses back into Eddie’s warmth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Buck your feet are freezing even through your socks,” Eddie says and he adjusts a bit so that Buck can bury his feet between Eddie’s legs for warmth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine, a few minutes with you and I’ll probably be too hot,” Buck says shutting his eyes and easing into the warmth of the covers and Eddie’s body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He falls asleep quickly after that, finally warm and when he wakes up he hears whispering that makes his body tense slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels Eddie pressed up against his back and he’s still comfortable and warm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edmundo, you’re going to tell me nothing is going on between you two?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, Abuela, it was just cold last night and it’s warm in my bed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edmundo, I see that way you look at him. And I see the way he looks at you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t look at each other in any way, Abuela.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He looks at you like he’d break if you showed a small expression of pain. He hasn’t moved from your side since you got here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He just blames himself for what happened, Abuela.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s silly it was your own feelings for him that made you run after him, hardly his fault that you’ve decided to love that boy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abuela…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t lie to me, Edmundo. I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing going on Abuela, I mean it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t bring Christopher in to see this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is that?” Eddie asks and Buck thinks he sounds defensive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, not because of that Edmundo. I have no opinion on that, we love who we love. I mean that he’d get his hopes up about you two.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edmundo, Christopher loves that boy just as much or maybe even more than you do. He’d love to have you both in his lives 24/7. He’s so happy when Buck’s around, that the idea of you together would probably have him over the moon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears Abuela sigh and says, “I’ll entertain Christopher for a while longer. He deserves to sleep, and he looks mighty comfortable there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Abuela.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She must leave cause it’s silent after that and Buck keeps his eyes shut but eventually starts to stir as he prepares to pretend he’s just waking up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mind is racing with the new info he seems to get from everyone when he’s pretending to be asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God Buck, you move so much in your sleep,” Eddie says as Buck moves around as if trying to get comfortable again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, your bed’s super uncomfy. Not great if you’re trying to heal, that’s for sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie laughs and says, “Yeah, well only have two days more or so before the doctors say I can go home.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, cause this bed is absolute shit,” Buck mutters against the pillow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Christopher is here. He’ll be happy to see you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He came here to see you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but he still likes to see you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, cause I’m the fun one of us two.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if it’s an accurate description of our two personalities,” Eddie says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is,” Buck says sitting up and stretching before climbing out of the bed and sliding his shoes back on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get Abuela and Christopher,” Buck tells Eddie before leaving and going to the waiting room where Christopher smiles as soon as he sees Buck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey buddy,” Buck says and opens his arms for Christopher who walks into them and hugs Buck around his waist. Buck easily picks him up and says, “Ready to see your dad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He’s still good right?” Christopher asks him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he’s great. The doctors say he can go home soon. I’ve been looking out for him for you.”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, thank you, Buck,” Eddie’s Abuela says, giving him a knowing look that brings heat to his cheeks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck carries Christopher back with him and Eddie smiles as soon as he sees them, “Hey kid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey dad,” Christopher smiles as Buck sits him down next to Eddie on the bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buck thinks about the different things he heard discussed by Eddie and Abuela as he watches Christopher cuddle close to his dad and talk about school.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He eventually gets up to get a snack from the vending machine and comes back with three snacks that he yet again realizes the meaning of after he’s bought them. This time he at least bought something for himself with the chips ahoy bag, but he’s again bought a nutter butter for Eddie, as well as peanut m&amp;ms for Christopher. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He eats his Chips Ahoy all whilst trying to rationalize the information he does have in his mind into a decision or an overwhelming push towards a particular feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He chooses to just focus on rationalizing it in a way that doesn’t require too much to change. A simple thought of, ‘It’s nice to have a friend.’</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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